A letter to … my estranged son – please come back to me | Life and style | The Guardian
A letter to my estranged son – please come back to me Rejection in a romantic love relationship is deeply painful, but from a son, the wound I used to believe that we were close; I always loved being your mother. This applies to the relationship you might have with your parents. You've . It's more common to be estranged from a mother than a father or both parents. Conversely, it's more common for daughters to estrange than sons. My son Dan* and I had a typical mother-son relationship. We both . It was pitiful, but fear of abandonment is common for estranged parents.
For some older people, however, a negative relationship with one of their offspring - or even worse, complete separation from him or her - is profoundly difficult.
Parents in this situation are looking for advice. So I consulted a group of experts on family relations - from psychology, psychiatry, and social work - to learn what they would advise parents who feel their adult child has broken their hearts.
Children Who Break Your Heart: Here's Some Expert Advice
Here's what they told me: Here's some advice to parents in this situation. Some older parents can at least can hold out for this hope. No one, of course, had "perfect parents.Estranged 004: The Silent Treatment
I feel the parent is the one that can't stop reaching out, can't stop going above and beyond to do anything to repair this broken relationship. The parent has to steer this relationship to a better path. The parent must let go of his or her ego. Leave it at the door. It doesn't matter what happened. Apologize and profess your unconditional love.
Children Who Break Your Heart: Here's Some Expert Advice | HuffPost
This is what I do, but you are below the surface of everything. I am never truly laughing, never relaxed or content. Tears burst out of me at the most inappropriate moments, at any reminder. It endangers my working life and my productivity. I know you would think that I am shallow to care, but many of those who know us do judge me, and they gossip.
I deflect them and reverse them until I come across as being cold and closed up. Yes, I have become paranoid — I resent what seems to be everyone else having children who enjoy their company, who have meals with them, and talk things through with them. You are not the only one. I am gut-wrenchingly upset that you think it is OK to do this to me: Where is the love in that?
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Would your friends do it to their mums? Why are their mums superior and so much more deserving than I am? Both our children chose to stay with their wealthy father. A daughter, then a teenager, was taught to insult me under her father's watch, and still wants nothing to do with me.
The younger son, less hostile, eventually asked to have a relationship 18 years later. He has been kind to me, if not all that attentive.
The problem is I am retired, and working at other jobs to make ends meet. I've lent him money, opened credit lines to help him in his business, and so on.
He promises to pay me back but so far no paybacks. We've had several conversations about his fiscal responsibility toward me.
That was the last family member I had. I feel heartbroken and betrayed, again. The answer Story continues below advertisement That's a tough one — a real heartbreaker.
I've heard experts describe being estranged from one's grown offspring as "the silent epidemic" because — well, I guess that's pretty self-explanatory, but basically because it happens maybe more than we think and most people don't like to talk about it.
I feel betrayed by my estranged son – what should I do? - The Globe and Mail
So thank you, first of all, for your courage and honesty in writing to me. It really is the saddest outcome. They say "a mother is only as happy as her saddest child" but I would say even sadder is the mother estranged from her grown children.