I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; Can I Get Him Back?
I was with my first boyfriend way longer than I should have been. I didn't know how to end things, and so the extremely unhealthy relationship went on for years . Even if you were the one to make the decision to end the relationship, it can be the decision to break up with the other person, you may feel regret afterwards. Since I wrote about ending my last relationship, a lot of people have asked me similar questions: Did I end up regretting it? Would they regret.
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If you know that saying "I'm sorry" could mend your relationship, maybe that's why you regret breaking up. The good news is, you know what you can do to make things right. You're still sleeping with them Shutterstock If you can't seem to get over your ex — even though you know that you should — I have one question for you: Are you still sleeping with them?
Continuing to have sex with an ex is like an alcoholic who is trying to stop drinking, but has a shot of whiskey or a can of beer every day! There is absolutely no way that you're going to be able to get over someone while still being under them! A huge part of this is thanks-but-no-thanks to the hormone oxytocin.
Some medical professionals call it the "love hormone" because it makes you feel closer to your partner during and after intercourse as well as kissing and cuddling. Do you know deep down that your ex is no good for you, but you just can't seem to let them go?
It's probably not so much that you regret the break-up as you need to stop spending the night over their house. Or letting them sleep over at yours. Good sex does not automatically equate to a healthy relationship. Words to live by. You want a second chance Shutterstock Sometimes it takes losing someone for you to realize what you had. Don't feel bad if this is where you're at right now. It happens to the best of us. If you regret breaking up with someone because you hate how things went down or you know that you took them for granted but you're working on changing your ways, don't let your pride or fear get in the way of trying to get another chance with them.
Try reaching out and owning where you messed up. That alone may convince them that you're worth the risk of trying to make the relationship work. Sometimes the second or third chance really is the charm. You're scared to start over Shutterstock You may have heard someone breakdown fear as an acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real. It applies to this point because some people think that they regret their break-up because of the relationship — but really, it's more about being scared to start over.
There’s A Specific Type Of Girl Men Regret Breaking Up With | Thought Catalog
When you've been with someone a while, you've invested a lot of your time, effort and energy into them. When the relationship ends, you can be tempted to think that it was all a waste of time; that it's better to remain in the relationship even if that also means that you're settling rather than to begin all over again. Don't believe that lie. If you learned from the experience, it helped you to grow. Rather than looking at being single again as being without someone, choose to see at it as an opportunity to do better the next time.
With a clean slate in a world that's just full of possibilities! You're not giving it enough time Shutterstock Someone once said that for however long you were with someone, cut the time in half and that's how long it takes to get over them.
Eh, I don't buy that. All of us are individuals, which means all of us are unique. It's not so much about applying a formula as it is about applying a certain set of habits. If it's only been a week or two, there are definitely going to be times when you're going to want to text your ex to say "I miss you" or call them to see what they are doing. If you broke up right before a holiday or one of your birthdays, that could be a trigger, too.
The relationship didn't take a day to develop, so it's not something you're going to be able to get over overnight. Give yourself at least a couple of months before coming to the conclusion that you regret your break-up.
Wounds hurt, but scars?
Once you've healed a little more, you may end up having a totally different perspective. On them, yourself, and the relationship. You're hanging around the wrong people Shutterstock You might not have seen this one coming, but just hear me out.
When you decide that it's time to end a relationship, you're going to need the right kind of support system. People who will listen to you vent, provide a shoulder to cry on and take you out on the days when you'd really rather stay in bed and listen to love songs on loop.
But what if you're hanging around folks who are constantly talking about your ex, updating you on what they are doing on social media or even trying to talk you out of your decision to end it because they don't agree? One, they are not the kind of people you need in your life right now.
Two, they may try and convince you that you regret breaking up when you actually don't. They just need to stop. You don't know how to be single Shutterstock This is one of those uncomfortable questions that can actually help you to grow: Are you someone who always has to be in a relationship? Think about your past three relationships. Why did you get in them? I missed how doting he was, how stable our relationship had felt, how I never questioned his love for me. I briefly considered trying to see if he would be open to rekindling things again, but after a couple of days of mulling it over, I realized none of those reasons had to do with him.
They had to do with being in a relationship. I was lonely and sad and wanted someone to love me.
Dealing with a relationship breakup
Going back to him would not have solved any of my problems long term. It only would have fulfilled my need in the moment to not feel like I was alone, and I would absolutely have ended it again.
So I implore you to do some thinking. You should take some time to assess your reasons for wanting your ex back regardless, but especially if you were the one to end the relationship.
Do I miss him, or do I just miss being in a relationship? Am I just lonely? Do I simply not want him to be with anyone else? Am I scared to start dating again? All of these questions are in the same vein: However, none of these are good reasons to stay with someone. And it is completely normal to regret a decision even if you know it was the right one to make. Part of it is missing that connection, the feeling of being part of a couple.
You will find someone to love you again, but more importantly, you need to take some time to learn to love yourself. Your ex boyfriend may well end up moving on before you. But you have to respect him, and that fact. We all want to be wanted, and I know well the feeling of seeing your ex move on and feeling jealous, even though you were the one to end it. We all want to be the best the one person has ever had, and to live on in their memory as the pinnacle of their happiness. But that simply cannot be.
If you decide to let your ex go, let him go fully, with no strings attached.
Societal Expectations I wrote about this recently on Ex Girlfriend Recovery, but I think it is worth mentioning here as well. We, as women, face a lot of expectations from society, ranging from how we look, to how we act, to our career or lack thereof.
What I want to talk about is the societal expectation that women should get married and have babies. Both of these expectations combined put way more pressure on women to be paired up in a relationship than men. This is a huge thing that I think facilitated my motives in thinking about gtting my ex boyfriend back.Woman Dumps Boyfriend, Then Regrets It
Not to mention, there are so many quality guys out there, many of whom are a better match for me than my ex boyfriend was. I mention this because these expectations may have something to do with the fears that I listed above, whether consciously or unconsciously. When you are mulling over your reasons for wanting your ex back, take your idea of your role and your expected life path into account.
You may be surprised what you uncover. Getting Him Back Okay, so say you do all of this emotional work and you decide that you did indeed make a mistake and are desperate to get your ex boyfriend back? Luckily, the steps are pretty similar to the normal Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process, with a few modifications.
This is also true if you were the one to end the relationship.