Everything You Need To Know About Long-Distance Relationships - AskMen
Long distance relationships are the worst. “Is he/she worth waiting for? Are they feeling the same way I do?” “Am I kidding myself thinking this. Some people won't be able to handle a long-distance relationship, and they deserve to know. Our best long distance relationship tips, and links to extra articles & e-books. Real quick, before Tips For Dealing With Pursuit-Retreat In Distant Relationships.
You must be evolving towards something. You must have some cause that unites you at all times. You must both have a converging trajectory at some point on the horizon. Otherwise, you will inevitably drift apart. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship.
Are you hiding something from me? I am the only fun in your life! All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful. Make Communication Optional A lot of long distance couples create rules or expectations that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time. You can even find some articles online recommending this sort of behavior.
How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship
You talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to. And if that means going days without communicating, then so be it.
People get busy, after all. Suspenders just wants to play Candy Crush. When you force communication, two things can happen. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever. This half-assed communication often creates more problems than it solves.
Like, if your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with you, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow. There is such a thing as overexposure. The second problem that can happen from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to the other person all of the time. The best way to go is to make all communication optional.
How to Deal With Long Distance Relationships (with Pictures)
Both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave.
If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. And easier said than done. Especially when plane flights are involved. And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that you two will one day be together and achieve your Happily Ever After TM.
Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless.
How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship | Mark Manson
Remember, love is not enough. You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values and mutual interests. In my second relationship, my girlfriend took a job working in Africa. Meanwhile, I toiled away in the US with no money trying to get my first internet business off the ground. All hope for making it work was removed from the equation and we soon broke up. My current girlfriend is Brazilian.
We began dating while I was living there in Discuss some of your communication basics as a couple—how you generally prefer to connect phone, VoIP, textwhat times, and for how long. This can help set realistic expectations and avoid some miscommunications, frustration, and anxiety.
Also check out 13 Tips For Dealing With Different Time Zones In A Long Distance Relationship Prioritize talking with each other It can take real effort to rearrange schedules and make time to talk, especially when things get busy or there is a time difference involved.
Do not overdose on talk-time. Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression, you will have a much more difficult time figuring out whether you and your partner are a good fit for each other.
Learn to listen carefully to your partner and ask good questions — questions that make them think and help you understand them better. Find new things to talk about Most couples in a long distance relationship will go through periods where they struggle to find things to talk about apart from how their day was. When these seasons hit, put a bit more effort into finding new and fresh things to discuss or make it easy on yourself and check out the book below. Practice asking questions that make you feel vulnerable.
Be willing to be transparent. Also check out I cheated on my long distance boyfriend, should I tell him? So recommend books, articles, podcasts, music, movies, news items, etc to each other. If you can read or listen to some of the same things, that will help you share experiences and give you new things to talk about.
Read up on some of those stories and learn from those who have gone before. Talking to each other is great, but make that extra effort sometimes to try something new or go on a long distance date. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues, and letters and emails can become treasured keepsakes or maybe even a book in the future.
Tell your partner how they can best help you during those times. Ask your partner to share these things with you, too. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work, learn some basic conflict-management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight. Also check out Love Is A Battlefield: If possible, save your serious disagreements for when you can talk them out in person or at least on the phone. Learn to recognize and control your own emotions Long distance relationships often involve intense emotions and extreme ups and downs.
There are times of intense loneliness, uncertainty, doubts, and fear. There are also times of extreme excitement, joy, and incandescent happiness. Learning to recognize, own, and manage your own emotions will pay off big time—now and in the future. Learn to control any jealousy in your long distance relationship Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a long distance relationship.
However, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. It is controlling the situation by simply refusing to engage. Distance makes this particularly easy to do hanging up or not answering or returning callsand it can drive your long distance partner crazy with frustration, second-guessing, and self-doubt.
Tackling this hot topic directly can help avoid assumptions and conflict. Do you know what your primary love language is? Do you know how to speak your partners?
Also check out The Five Love Languages: What Do You Speak? Build your love maps Your love map is your mental network of information about your partner—their interests, stories, what makes them tick, and things you love and admire about them.
The more positive memories and associations you build into this love map, the stronger your relationship will be over time. Also check out The Sound Relationship House: Talking about these things and any growing feelings of jealousy or unease can save you a lot of heartache and conflict in the long run.
Share things with each other that have made you laugh. Surprise your partner every so often with something thoughtful Everyone loves getting a present, a bunch of flowers, or a handwritten letter in the mail. Every so often, go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued.
Bonus points if the gesture is uber-thoughtful.