Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
The ways marriage can change after baby can be something of a shock. marriage problems are—and how to keep your relationship strong after having a baby. 5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong After Having a Baby frustration in a way that doesn't cause your partner to feel defensive isn't easy. "Every day, no matter how tired you are, spend time with your partner to talk about your day, your feelings and.
It's also important to openly talk to your partner about your emotional needs. Research shows that the single largest predictor of marital happiness is how you respond to your partner's "emotional calls"—aka your attempts to connect with each other.
Marriage counseling can be a wonderful way to boost that connection and it's not just for unsatisfied couples! Sex has probably become a distant memory The change "Sex was not on the top of our list. But, at least temporarily, your sex life has probably taken a nosedive. You had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex. And frankly, once you got the go-ahead from your doctor, you may not have actually felt ready to do it yet yes, it may hurt—it won't be torture, but your body's been through a lot, and it will take time to get back to normal.
8 Shocking Ways Marriage Changes After Baby
And definitely don't let it be like this forever—you both could use some good sex, are we right? You love your baby more than your partner The change "Once we had our baby, we were a little distant from each other. It obviously hurt my husband's feelings—we were mostly distant because all I wanted to do was be around the baby. So he made me sit down and he lectured me about how we are still married and our relationship is just as important.
But you may not have predicted that, at least for a little while, you would practically forget that your partner exists. How to deal Try not to let it get in between you. Niceties have gone out the window The change "It has caused a lot of friction between us. We've bickered much more than we used to.
I don't want to use the term fight, because to me, that means yelling and feelings being hurt. We just snap at each other more easily. Need some extra help? There are now apps out there—like Lasting —that ask you some questions to get to know your relationship, and then map out a program to improve your communication and conflict skills and weave healthy habits and romantic rituals into your daily lives.
There's no such thing as downtime The change "The time we used to have for each other, where I would lie on the couch with my husband for two hours at night, is gone. Now that time is spent cleaning up, prepping things for the next day bottles, outfits and doing household chores.
Watch trashy reality TV together, play Rock Band, read novels in bed and then switch when you were done. All that cool, fun, intimate stuff is gone—at least for now, while you have zero time to waste. How to deal You've got to challenge yourselves to bond while emptying the diaper pail and cleaning mashed sweet potatoes out of the high chair's crevices. Not sexy, but if you think about it, it's kind of sweet that you two are in this together. Despite all that tough stuff, you have a new bond The change "The first year, our relationship was good and bad.
Bad because we were sleep deprived and, well, both my husband and I are grumpy without sleep. But our baby makes us happy.
Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
Our children make us laugh, smile and worry like we never had before, but it brings us closer together. You may run into some bumps in the road, but you'll also likely look at your partner singing to baby in the middle of the night, or teaching her to play patty-cake, and fall in love with them all over again. Think of early parenthood as boot camp.
The bad news first: Maintaining a marriage post-baby takes a lot of time and energy, exactly what you've got the least of right now. Now the encouraging news: Working on your relationship pays off in spades. Without all that energy expended read: Here's advice from experts as well as couples in the trenches on why this transition is so hard and what you can do to smooth things out.
Chore Overload The issue: Domestic duties double, and so does your bickering. Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry. And dishes, and other loathsome household tasks. But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly.6 Tips on How to Have a Strong Relationship
You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. Well, I did that, so you do this. One strategy to decrease infighting: Post a list of daily chores on the fridge and switch responsibilities each week.
Everyone will know what he or she needs to do.
So if you think that you're always doing 90 percent of everything, you probably are. Just remember, so is your spouse.
How to Stay Close After Baby
But men often respond better to direct requests. I know it might not seem fair because you may never get thanks, but this will make your husband more receptive to future requests.
And niceties breed a less combative atmosphere. Moreover, it might be catching! Parenting Styles The issue: Your parenting styles cancel each other out. It's nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby.
This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really can't deal with tears for any amount of time. You may also find that your parenting styles clash as you reach for the pacifier at the first sign of distress softie while your partner says no sternly when the baby starts to drum with spoons on the high-chair tray toughie. My friends Tina and Tim Anson discovered that they differed on just about everything when it came to the baby.
And he lets naps happen anywhere, anytime, too. I'd come home to see Jake sleeping in the middle of a circle of toys on the living room floor at dinnertime! Ditto for scheduled naps.
Parenting Styles Explained What worked for them was letting the other deal with the consequences of his or her method. When Tim had to stay up with Jake until all hours on a night when the baby took a 5 p. Similarly, the day Tina attempted unsuccessfully to play with Jake at his play stations while also doing some housework, she realized that having the baby play in the laundry room may be a small price to pay for actually getting the clothes washed.
On more serious issues, such as sleeping or feeding, there are ways to compromise, too. For certain things—such as when to start solids—you need to follow set guidelines. Talk to your pediatrician about what's recommended. For issues such as sleep i. Then discuss what's best to do. I know one mother, for instance, who actually slept at a friend's house for a week while her husband sleep-trained their 8-month-old son.
After reading about the Ferber method, she agreed it was a good idea, but she still didn't want to listen to her son cry. Your Sex Life The issue: You have sex half as often, and it's twice the hassle. Of course you're in love, you're just not in the mood for getting naked under the covers.
Step one, says Lindquist, is to get in the mood. And the best way is to plan time for having sex. Sure, people joke about making dates for sex, but "remember, when you were dating, you did plan when you were going to have sex. You got ready for a night out and thought about it beforehand.
Get a sitter, shave your legs, and flirt a little. As for increasing the frequency of sex on nondate nights, experienced parents recommend making sure your bedroom is baby-free at bedtime. Couple Time The issue: