How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work: 50 Best Tips
Can this reader salvage her LDR, or is it time to cut ties? Tell him that you feel like you're putting more into the relationship than you're getting. How do I tell my girlfriend to put more effort into our relationship? I do a lot for her and it's not being reciprocated. How do I ask her to dress nicely or wear make. If you go into a long distance relationship expecting every conversation you have to be deep, More: 9 Things People Who Are Great In Relationships Have In Common Don't forget to put in the effort to making each other feel special.
Discuss some of your communication basics as a couple—how you generally prefer to connect phone, VoIP, textwhat times, and for how long. This can help set realistic expectations and avoid some miscommunications, frustration, and anxiety.
Also check out 13 Tips For Dealing With Different Time Zones In A Long Distance Relationship Prioritize talking with each other It can take real effort to rearrange schedules and make time to talk, especially when things get busy or there is a time difference involved. Do not overdose on talk-time. Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression, you will have a much more difficult time figuring out whether you and your partner are a good fit for each other.
Learn to listen carefully to your partner and ask good questions — questions that make them think and help you understand them better. Find new things to talk about Most couples in a long distance relationship will go through periods where they struggle to find things to talk about apart from how their day was.
When these seasons hit, put a bit more effort into finding new and fresh things to discuss or make it easy on yourself and check out the book below. Practice asking questions that make you feel vulnerable. Be willing to be transparent.
Expert Advice on How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work
Also check out I cheated on my long distance boyfriend, should I tell him? So recommend books, articles, podcasts, music, movies, news items, etc to each other. If you can read or listen to some of the same things, that will help you share experiences and give you new things to talk about. Read up on some of those stories and learn from those who have gone before.
Talking to each other is great, but make that extra effort sometimes to try something new or go on a long distance date. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues, and letters and emails can become treasured keepsakes or maybe even a book in the future. Tell your partner how they can best help you during those times.What if my partner is not putting as much effort into the relationship as I am?
Ask your partner to share these things with you, too. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work, learn some basic conflict-management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight.
Also check out Love Is A Battlefield: If possible, save your serious disagreements for when you can talk them out in person or at least on the phone. Learn to recognize and control your own emotions Long distance relationships often involve intense emotions and extreme ups and downs. There are times of intense loneliness, uncertainty, doubts, and fear.
There are also times of extreme excitement, joy, and incandescent happiness. Learning to recognize, own, and manage your own emotions will pay off big time—now and in the future. Learn to control any jealousy in your long distance relationship Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a long distance relationship. However, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame.
It is controlling the situation by simply refusing to engage. Distance makes this particularly easy to do hanging up or not answering or returning callsand it can drive your long distance partner crazy with frustration, second-guessing, and self-doubt.
Tackling this hot topic directly can help avoid assumptions and conflict. Do you know what your primary love language is? Do you know how to speak your partners? Also check out The Five Love Languages: What Do You Speak? Build your love maps Your love map is your mental network of information about your partner—their interests, stories, what makes them tick, and things you love and admire about them. The more positive memories and associations you build into this love map, the stronger your relationship will be over time.
Also check out The Sound Relationship House: Talking about these things and any growing feelings of jealousy or unease can save you a lot of heartache and conflict in the long run. Share things with each other that have made you laugh.
Surprise your partner every so often with something thoughtful Everyone loves getting a present, a bunch of flowers, or a handwritten letter in the mail. Every so often, go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued.
Bonus points if the gesture is uber-thoughtful. You learn from each other and listen to each other. Music, movies, TV shows, and Youtube videos can be a great way to bond and be together since they cause you and him to have a similar emotional experience at the same time.
This is an easy start-point for conversation. Sharing your favorite songs many of which you can easily find on Youtube is another great thing to do.
Watching a movie at the same time is also great. When possible, Skype video calling is great for experiencing face-to-face contact. Video calling on Skype is free — you can download it on your phone or computer, just go to Skype. In the longer term, if you have similar interests, you can pursue them and update each other on your progress. This would work for anything though — art, learning an instrument, pottery… anything. Saying things to stimulate his imagination never hurts either.
It triggers his imagination and has him thinking of you and what it would be like to have you there.
3 love hacks to SAVE your long distance relationship.
In that way, one of the greatest things we can strive for in a relationship is to be the person who is the safe-haven for our partner.
If you can be his confessional, his escape, and his inspiration, you will have a role in his life that nobody can replace — even if you live on the other side of the world. For some reason, most people fall into the trap of doing the opposite.
Instead of serving them with our best, we demand the best from them. Instead of bringing our most loving self to the relationship, we grill them for not giving us enough of what we want.
Instead of focusing on all the things we love about them, we try to change them or make them into someone else. In a regular local relationship, this can be uncomfortable and unpleasant. In a long distance relationship, this can be enough to make him not want to talk to you anymore. And why would he want a relationship that leaves him feeling pressured and drained?
He will make it a point to make you feel loved and will go out of his way to do things that will keep you coming back to him… you just need to actually lighten his load and make him feel better about life, not worse.
See him as the success he aspires to be. See him as the type of guy he aspires to be. See him as his best self. Every man has his process for how he feels empowered, inspired, and happy about his life. Pay attention to what this is for your man and silently find ways to bring this energy into your conversations.
The reality is whether you live together, one mile apart or miles apart, you have to trust them.
This is liberating, not depressing. Trust is letting go with the knowledge that you really have no other choice. When it comes to trust, this goes back to what I was saying before about letting go: Having a long distance relationship is an absolute last resort and should be avoided at all costs.
So talk about this future often and make a clear plan about how you will be together, as soon as possible. One of two things will happen: The second scenario is sad, but it saves you both a lot of time. If the relationship will never become something, how much time do you want to waste fantasizing about it instead of finding a local relationship where you can have a real, loving relationship and grow with another person? For every moment you spend chasing a fantasy, you allow the real opportunities that are all around you to slip away.