How to repair trust in a long distance relationship

how to repair trust in a long distance relationship

This is especially true for long-distance relationships. These relationships take How do you fix things when trust has been broken? wikiHow Contributor. Here are some tips to help you on how to build trust in a long distance relationship. LDR is not easy and not everyone can keep up with it so you have to be. Here are 6 great ways to build trust in a long distance relationship. 11 Serious Long Distance Relationship Problems (And How To Fix Them).

I tried to beat around the bush re: SO profusely apologized, expressed regret, and asked what SO could do to rebuild trust and offered to provide all passwords to electronic media. The last point struck me as a not fool-proof because SO can still find a way to be dishonest particularly in LDRand b problematic because the desire or need to monitor SO's activities appears to be the antithesis of a trusting and healthy relationship.

SO also began to offer to move to me or at least try as much as I would try to move to SO in the coming years.

SO's moving could require a career sacrifice on SO's part and engender eventual bitterness. After perhaps artificially fast-tracking my view of the relationship of SO e. Given that this was the first individual with whom I was in love, the pain is very new.

SO continues to be on my mind rather consistently, including resisting the temptation to reveal to SO my knowledge of SO's prior indiscretions. I have followed the general advice I have seen in other threads: This has done little to change the lingering questions, which I present below: Or is it appropriate to believe that your partner must be someone you trust unconditionally?

That is, at the age of 28, is honesty or the lack thereof with a partner a character trait that one cannot change? If you have experienced being in love with a partner in an LDR whom you did not trust, I would be interested to know if you came to a resolution. I have also been told that if one is truly in love, they work through most any issues.

I am interested in others' potentially relevant experiences or insight, albeit realizing YMMV. You don't have proof of physical cheating, but you're dreaming if you think it didn't happen. I had a relationship that ended in cheating, was apart for a while, got back together, and it ended again more cheating, but it was doomed anyway.

This person had very similar patterns of lying - both about the cheating, and just lying to impress people; only dribbling out the truth as it became necessary; hiding things; generally acting suspicious; etc.

Two things I learned for good: You know what's going on, you don't need any more proof. Out of everything I've ever done in my relationships in my life, this is the thing I'm most ashamed of. Should have just walked with my dignity.

That doesn't mean forgetting it, but it means not halfassing the relationship because you're holding a grudge. But geez, don't get the grass-is-greener syndrome here.

Of course you miss this person, but the flaws here don't sound like some one-time crime of opportunity, like what would happen if my wife found herself trapped on a desert island with Hugh Jackman; this sounds like a character issue.

My estimation is that you should leave this one where it is. To torch the bridge. You'll be happier if you treat trust as non-negotiable, and dishonesty as a deal-breaker.

Rebuilding trust long-distance - Message Boards - Truth About Deception

Now, here is the part where I project my own personal experience onto your situation. Depending on what patterns were established in your childhood, you may have developed the idea that sucking it up, and over-extending yourself with trust and giving the benefit of the doubt were part of what made you a good person.

It may have been an emotional survival strategy you had to adopt as a child if the people who were supposed to take care of you were abusive or had substance abuse problems or mental illness.

So forgiving that person would make those failures go away, make you feel secure again, and make you feel like a good person, and it was the only choice because as a child you were forced to be there. As a grown-up, you can choose to leave, but those patterns can be so ingrained that it can feel like you're being flayed alive to leave someone who mistreats you, when you've been conditioned all your life to preserve that bond.

They can also draw untrustworthy people to you if you don't have the boundaries to keep them out. So, I think you should leave this person, and be careful about entering another relationship until you are sure that you won't tolerate mistreatment, and can trust yourself to assert boundaries if the person you are seeing starts acting dodgy. We do know that whatever feelings you have about something are not objective signs that a particular course of action should or should not be taken.

how to repair trust in a long distance relationship

They are emotional reactions to the event. What you should do is what you rationally think to be your best course of action.

Given the information above, my advice would be find someone else. Emotional entanglements, long-distance drama, sleuthing, lies And ultimatums are no good for anyone.

how to repair trust in a long distance relationship

Here's the short short version of how you describe your relationship: You don't trust SO; you decided that you were in love with SO when SO told you that the relationship would end unless you said you were in love; you get along with each other pretty well and are physically attracted to each other.

Maybe you left out the good stuff? But I don't know that I would go to a lot of effort over that relationship. Cut off contact and move on with your life. I'd be surprised if anyone told you otherwise.

how to repair trust in a long distance relationship

And yes, it is absolutely normal to feel doubt, regret, or the desire for one more chance upon ending a relationship. That feeling has zero correlation with how good the relationship was, or how appropriate your decision to break up was. Allow yourself to grieve this relationship, but do not go back to it.

You've made the right move and the hardest part is sticking to that decision. Let it go posted by spunweb at 2: LDR is generally best avoided unless participating parties are financing renovations at the same address.

It does seem rather arbitrary to provide a date and time where someone must have a certain feeling otherwise it's over. I understand making a point of - "I want a serious relationship, and how long am I going to wait for this person to want to be in a serious relationship with me" - but there is a way to make those internal decisions and stating that by Monday you must love me or it's over, is not the way to do it.

Deciding that you loved SO so that the relationship wouldn't end by Monday is not how one "decides" to be in love. I just checked the times.

This made me feel pretty insecure in the relationship. Two days later I tried to call her but she didnt answer her phone, so for some reason I checked her email inbox straight away. Her first message was sending 10 photos of her and her male friend that she said she hadnt met taken in a bar on her first Saturday night in Shanghai, to him.

The pictures werent too 'full on' but she was getting close to him in the pictures and she was taking the photos at arms length.

As soon as I saw these photos I called her, she answered and I had woken her up. I went crazy at her I said that it was over, that she had cheated on me and lied to me.

Anyway, she eventually convinced me that nothing had happened, she told me she had never cheated on me and never could, she was just a bit drunk that night and she only had seen him twice. She told me that she didnt tell me she was meeting him because it would only make me doubt her and get stressed. I showed the photos to two friends and they said it doesnt look like anything would have happened.

How to Build Trust in Long Distance Relationships: 14 Steps

The following day she rung me and said that it was over for now, she didnt feel secure in the relationship, she didnt know if one call I would just call her to end everything or to say that I love her. She said I had betrayed her trust by checking her emails and that all that happened combined with what happened in December wiht her ex, made her believe that I didnt trust her.

I told her I trusted her, I loved her and I respected her and that she had forced me into a corner by becoming distant from me and not explaining it, so I had to check her emails.

She kept calling me saying she wasnt sure about her decision Anyway, a week later she phoned me saying everytime we spoke it made her doubt her decision but she couldnt be with me right now, after all that had happened. A friend of mine told me she still wasnt sure and wanted to rebuild everything but I couldntt see how we can do it while we are apart.

Long Distance Relationship advise Ways to build trust

So I called her yesterday, she is still upset and she still has doubts about her decision. She said that she feels numb and cant feel anything for me or anyone else right now. That she needs time to be alone and she needs to try and forgive me. What can I do to restore everything?